to approach closure and master bilbao.

I haven´t written a real blog in a long time, and it´s because I have been overwhelmed, and generally unhappy. Ok, so let´s back up a little. I wouldn´t exactly go to the point of saying I´m unhappy. There are moments, yes, but they call for a bit more description so you don´t get the wrong idea.

I have entered my next stage of the culture shock, and I have thought about it a lot in the past week. Here is my conclusion. I call it ¨I am ready to return home¨ phase. Let´s list the reasons.

I have gotten to the point where I feel that I have learned the amount I´m going to be able to learn in this short period of time. My Spanish skills are not going to drastically take a turn for the better now - what I have learned, and the speed and precision with which I am speaking will probably remain the same in these last two weeks.

As far as life in general, I have learned what I have learned, and I feel that is enough. I know myself a lot better - I know what I can and cannot do - I know how independent and how dependent I am - I know that I can live in another country with people who I don´t know to begin with - I have a perspective of the world, life, culture, people, everything, that has expanded infinitely. But one thing I know for sure at the end of this experience is that I would rather be with/near the people I love than in any place without them. I was at the Guggenheim Museum this weekend and there was a quote on the wall that really had an impression on me. I just searched for about a half hour online for it cuz it was just that good, but it´s going to be impossible to find. It was by an artist named Jesús Mari Lazkano and it said something along the lines of this (much more eloquently, of course): life is not about the place in which you live. it is the people that make the city, not the city that makes the people. basically, you could be anywhere and it wouldn´t matter if you weren´t with the people you cared about.

maybe dave matthews sums it up best, ¨Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters.¨ That´s easier. is that accurate, all you dave matthews fans? cuz i have a feeling it´s not. so correct me if it´s wrong.

Anyway, that´s how I feel. I am ready to come home because, above all else, I just miss my real life and the real people in it and the things that give it purpose.

This weekend was good for me. I had to speak spanish the entire weekend and it was really cool cuz i was with my three favorite spanish people - amaia, ikur, and beatriz. it was really hard at times because at times, i understood what they were saying to each other, but i couldn´t think fast enough to say anything to contribute to the conversation or because i couldn´t find the words that would make sense. other times, i wouldn´t understand, and i felt stupid interrupting, even though they told me to do so. other times, i got tired of trying so hard and i just zoned out and then someone would ask me a question and i would be clueless. it was definitely a mental challenge. but i thought about it at the end of the weekend and i realized something. i survived an entire weekend with three spaniards, who were strangers to me 2 months ago, speaking no english! i got what was going on, enjoyed myself, and was just so immersed in this totally different life. it was crazy that i did this. i was at the apartment of some spanish girl, (amaia, who obviously i know now), living for a few days with all people who don´t speak my language, and just acting like it was completely normal! and i´m just shocked about it. i dont´think ever again in my life will i be sitting at a dinner table, drinking beer and eating cake (eew, i know), with candles lit and some crazy french music, just listening to an intense conversation in another language, and understanding it, and knowing that this is my life and this is real. that will never ever happen again. and as much as i´m excited to come home, i´m sad that this is the end of this chapter. cuz i feel like it´s this huge acheivement to be able to understand life in another language and another culture and make friends with people who grew up in a different country than me.

me and bea(triz) bonded over music for 4 hours on the bus rides to and from bilbao, and it was crazy to me! cuz how similar can two totally opposite girls be? we grew up in two completely different lifestyles and yet we are still jamming to the libertines and the arctic monkeys and the strokes together. it´s crazy. how do these things even happen?

maybe all this stuff is just cooler for me and when i write about it, it doesn´t make sense. i don´t know. i just wanna get it out there because one day, i want to look back at this and know exactly what i was thinking and feeling and why i did this and why i´m going to make the decisions i do in the future.

i don´t think i can ever live in another country again. i just don´t. i love spain, but i don´t think i love spain enough to live here.

bilbao was really really cool. it´s the perfect perfect college town. we went on walks around the city at night, it´s gorgeous, it´s everything you would expect from a city that has beach and mountains and a big huge college and the Guggenheim Museum. the museum was pretty cool - mostly the architecture from the outside... i´ll add pics later, but other than the lazkano quote, the inside didn´t really have anything exciting - it´s between exhibitions. we took a funicular (not sure how to say it in english) up the mountain and got the view of the city. incredible.

the nightlife was completely unforgettable. spanish kids know how to do it, especially in bilbao. there are hundreds of people in the streets, and because drinking in the streets is legal, you see all these people carrying around coke bottles. the pop, not the drug. including us. but what they do is mix wine with coke. and suprisingly, it´s incredible. i will spread it all over athens (when i turn 21 of course. another thing that´s gonna be weird moving back home - having drinking be illegal. it´s just such a part of the culture here that i have learned to be comfortable with it.) so the weather this weekend was mid to upper 60 (ahh!!!!!!!!! it´s like spring!!) and we sat on a bench and watched people and i got to observe a bit of the fashion.

it´s interesting. bilbao provided me with my first glimpse of spanish girls that are dressed slutty. it was interesting, i guess only pamplona doesn´t have slutty-dressed girls. i also saw my very first chico guapisimo (who didn´t have a mullet and didn´t smell like rotten eggs... or so i think because i never got close enough to him to smell anything) so, for all you wanting to know the european-cool fashions, here´s my take on it. tunic shirts are huge (and i´m sure they are in the states too) but, baggy ones, with tights and boots. knee high boots are key here. i think every girl owns a pair, whether they be heeled or not. and they are almost all pointy toe. it is allowed to wear canadian tuxedos here (you know, jean jackets with jeans. blah. gag.) the girls also do this really cool thing where you wear bermuda shorts with some kind of patterned tights underneath and flats. it´s pretty cool. all the bilbao boys wear zip-up hoodies (or so it seemed) to go out. and not even a single one was wearing a button-down shirt or a polo.

so the bars are huge and packed and the music is perfectly dancable, and not rap. one of them was converted from a theater to a bar, so it was amazingly cool with different floors and balconies and the stage and huge paper lights hanging from the ceiling. and they don´t sleep. we didn´t leave the house until 1:30 a.m and we didn´t even leave the bars until 5 a.m. i am not used to this insane schedule. i feel like a grandma.

we did a lot of sleeping in today and watched a movie called 24 hour party people that i couldn´tunderstand for the life of me and didn´t have the esfuerzo (hm don´t know the english word! motivation maybe?) to keep my eyes open. all in all, it was a fun weekend.

and now, it´s bed time.

so that´s my blabbering for the week, hope you enjoyed.

i feel like i´m taking crazy pills. (will ferrell quote, i´m not really.) speaking of, i want to watch zoolander the minute i get back to the u.s. ok, maybe that week.