I don´t know what I have been thinking. Yesterday I slept in until 11, sat in my house all day doing various homework assignments, online chores, etc, and attempted to go to sleep at midnight. WHAT? I layed in my bed for two and a half hours... no response. I couldn´t even come close to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt fatigued, dehydrated, and altogether horrible. My idea for this past weekend was to relax and restore my health by relaxing around the house. And that idea? A really bad one.
All it took was a little trip to the pool this morning for me to figure out what was really wrong with me. My body had so much extra energy that it hated itself! I thought I could swim for five days straight... that´s how good it felt to just exercise.
Before my swim, I had this impending sense of doom and such a stressed out, frustrated outlook on life. After my swim, it as as if this big blanket of darkness was lifted and I knew I would be able to do everything I needed to do today. So yea, letting myself recooperate without exercise was a horrific idea... I´m never trying that again. A certain amount of exercise is necessary for mental health I guess.
My adventures at the pool... well, they were adventures. They always are. There´s the really fake lifeguard who has this huge, fake, glued-on smile and always makes me feel like a pile of dirt on the ground. There are all these rules to follow at the pool and I´m just so confused! The sporting good store was closed this morning, so as usual, I came without a swim cap and had to borrow one (because it is prohibited to go without in pools here). She gave me her big, fake smile and told me I should have gotten one this weekend. The one I borrowed today was all stretched out and fell off during each lap. It got so annoying that i put my goggles on over it so it would just stay around my ponytail so nobody could yell at me for not ¨trying¨to wear it. Sigh. I finally bought a swim cap after school today and I can´t wait to enter the pool without the narrowing eyes of mrs. fake-nice lifeguard who secretly hates me (or so it seems). How much do normal swim caps cost? Because mine was the equivalent to about 6.50 for a stupid cloth one. Ugh, the things I spend my money on in Spain.
I had my second mid-term today, and my last one is tomorrow! Whew! Then I have my three page newspaper article due the next day. Oy! What a week, I´ll say.
I think the plan is to get to Granada this weekend... the only sadness involved in this is the 10 hour bus ride that stops in Madrid in the middle of the night for an hour. What a bummer. No sleep and no comfort and barely any time to spend in Granada. I wish this program would give us like 8 days of class in a row and 8 days of break so we could spend more time in the locations that we travel to. That would be ideal... I have heard about other programs that do that. However, it´s 80 euro round trip by bus, which isn´t too horrible. Now, to find a hostel that´s clean! And to find flights to Paris and Lisbon!
I have been doing a lot less general thinking about Spain... and a lot more thinking about the little details in my life, which I think is a sign that I´m finally understanding and embracing the fact that this is real life, not a dream. I´m now used to the fact that the only garbage can in the house is on the outside porch. I´m used to the fact that I walk or take the bus places. I´m used to the fact that I have my own room and a host mom who does all my laundry and makes all my food for me (oh, how i´m going to miss these luxuries when back in Athens... and not miss the fact that my sweaters are shrinking). I´m used to the fact that all my classes are in spanish and that everything I write is in spanish and all these things are becoming more easy for me.... like I once hoped it would be. I have embraced the relaxed lifestyle and siestas and the way store-owners always say ¨see ya later¨ when you leave the store. It´s undeniable that there are things about spanish life that i will indefinitely miss. The reverse culture shock is going to be really disappointing. I will be more than thrilled to be back with the people I love and the customs I am used to, but oh, there are so many things it´s good to escape in Spain. The mindless ¨college¨life that I like, but hate at the same time... how there´s this attitude that getting drunk and stupid is so cool or being obnoxious in public places is completely acceptable. It seems so ridiculous and embarrassing now. Nobody uses public transportation in the u.s. Fresh fruit, meat, bread, and more is either inobtainable in Ohio or very expensive. I´m not going to like re-entering a country that has a president hated by the rest of the world (and myself). I´m finding it´s true what they warned me about before I came to Spain - there´s not much that the rest of the world approves of being done in the U.S. Not that I´m not proud of my country, but hearing bad news about companies, pollution, politics, war, and everything else in the United States all day is hard to accept. The only things about the United States that seem to meet approval here are the music and movie industries. This negative attitude coming from Spain (and from what I can gather, Europe... and pretty much everywhere) is hurtful but it´s the truth.
It´s strange that most times I think about what I miss about home, but I´m starting to see parts of the grass that are greener over here. And I know I will forever have this feeling in me, no matter how much I suppress it, that my life in the United States is so sheltered, that there are things so disappointing that I will never be able to change, that I have to live with these things that I have done without, am happier without, but I will always live with them. Because I cannot see myself living in Spain, or any other country for that matter. Not permanently at least, not for long periods of time. It´s the sadness and the fear that I will never be able to just pick up my life and move to another country ever again. That right now is as free as I´m gonna get? And never again will I have this opportunity to see beyond what I have seen all my life. But I guess I cannot permit myself to think along these lines because nothing is impossible, nothing is certain, and life throws you a lot of curveballs and unexpected things.
OH, the heaviness of these thoughts. I´m listening to Radiohead now, which makes everything seem 2,000 times more serious and emotional... even though I know it´s not.
My sister Amaia went back to Bilbao for school... how did those three weeks pass so quickly? I know I should have taken more advantage of her company and all the things she could have taught me... but it´s too late for that now. I´m just so lucky I have met her and gotten to know her. And I did learn a great deal with her. I´m so lucky.
Health updates: my left eye is still dialated, which is what the medicine should be doing to it, according to nelson. No floating spots for now... just hypersensitivity to the sun. No bug bites lately. I am hoping this is a step in the right, healthy direction.
Proposed schedule for next quarter: graphics for journalism, history of spanish america, philosophy of ethics, philosophy of logic. 17 hours i believe. should be a fun one. :) spring quarter is always lovely. never thought i would be saying i was excited to get back to woub and acrn, but i am. i am in new-music withdrawal and i fear that i have forgotten how to write a proper news story!
cd´s to remember to get:
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
The Shins
The Arcade Fire
Kaiser Chiefs
let me know if there are more that i´m forgetting...
p.s. I think I need to see Franz Ferdinand live before I die.
this weekend...
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