serious procrastination problems!

ok, i seriosly can´t do anything right now. i can´t focus. i have my most important exam tomorrow and i just cannot do it i can´t study i can´t i can´t. my brain is so scattered and i can´t buckle down.

i can´t write about my last weekend traveling adventure, i can´t. it takes too much concentration and work and thought process. writing this blog was a bad idea because i can´t even write a good blog.

the point i´m making here is that leaving a foreign country is as difficult and possibly as complicated as arriving. i´m having all the same crazy rush of emotions as before, including psychoness.

normalcy! come back to me! i want life to be normal again so i can stop freaking out and just get a grip on things. i want to escape from this anxiousness to return and just be a normal person again and talk in English and go to WOUB and try to write stories and sit in my room at my computer with a bowl of cereal and meet at shively for dinner and occasionally do my laundry myself and stress out about journalism and see my family and see my other family at ou and go to the bike path and frequent ping and do all the important things in American life and go to restaurants and not be able to finish my meals because the portions are too large and not spend hundreds of dollars a week and be a normal college kid and stay up into the middle of the night just talking and listening to class debates and trying to participate in my own language and order hot chocolate without having to think of how to say it in spanish and use a community dorm bathroom that´s nasty and watch my doggy make my daddy crazy and hear about nicole´s several hundred fastpitch games and the controversy of my mom´s aerobics classes and eat brownies and get used to being underage for another two years and listen to the radio as my job and work my butt off again and look forward to ou´s weekends and to spring weather and to seeing all the people i love and being normal and being normal and being normal. once again. my real life once again. because i´m ready for that again. i´m ready.

i´m reading this blog over and i´m laughing at myself and how insane i appear. and not only do i appear it, i am it. i am crazy right now.

i have cankles. isn´t that great? here´s another burst of random. my eye medicine is once again helping me retain water and i have cankles. oh gosh, i wish they would just be normal ankles again and i could button my pants. how is it possible to be swimming for 50 minutes and still have cankles? oh, the horribleness of medicine. i want to be normal girl without being on medicine. and so the crazyness goes. for another five days because that´s all i have left of this spanish adventure of mine. it is bittersweet, to say the least. oh but i´m just wanting to be in my normal bed. be that athens or cleveland, i don´t care, because anything is more like home than here. give me back my double life as a mayfield heights resident and a college student. anything is more normal than being a screwed-up kid in spain just looking for a little bit of normalcy once again. it just seems that the more time that passes, the more crazy i get about wanting to go home, and it´s just because i know it´s nearing. i would be pefectly fine right now if i knew i had 3 more months to stay here. but because i know that i leave in less than a week, i´m going crazy with feelings and emotions and mood swings and energy bursts, and exhaustion. exhaustion. lack of energy. rushes of energy. inattentiveness. locura. locura means crazyness in spanish. random bursts of spanish words in my head, but still an inability for my thoughts to be completely in spanish because i feel like i suppress them. especially when i´m writing in blogs in english. probably the worst thing you could do to prevent spanish immersion. but i´m doing it anyway because memories and communication with my real life are more important to me than spanish immersion.

ok this blog is over. i promise to be calm and cool and collected soon and not be such a weirdo. ok, i´ll always be a weirdo, but at least i´ll be a sane weirdo?

i´m buckling down (so i say) and studying for this baby of a test. i will conquer all. watch the news because i´m taking over Spain tonight. single-handedly. just you wait and see.